Monday, June 22, 2009

A Life Together

A generation or two ago your life as a couple would start once you got married. After you were married you'd move in together, buy a house, start a family, and everything else. But the actually wedding and marriage, was a clear indication that you would be starting a life together.

Now it isn't quite so easy to define. People live together and then get married. Couples have a baby together and then get married. Buy a house and then get married. That is if they decide to get married at all. With this all mixed up where do you define the start our your life together? Yes, you can same getting married is the official start. But if you've lived together for 10 years and then decide to get married, what really changes at that point? Really besides impacting your finances, there isn't going to be anything different with your relationship.

And what if you really don't need your finances to change? A good example it Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, clearly they don't really need to be worried about their finances. Does that mean its the only reason they should be married, and the only why they will truly have a life together? But, would you say they have not made a commitment to each other because they are not married? With 6 kids together, I sure hope that they've made a commitment!

Yes, there are still traditionalists out there whose life together truly does begin when there are husband and wife. But what about the rest? When do you think you can officially say we've decided to make a life together? Maybe its only a simple verbal decision. Or do you need to sign a piece of paper (or post-it) like Meredith and Derek on Grey's Anatomy?

On a similar note, is there anything you absolutely would not do unless you were married? Would you live in an apartment together before the actually wedding, but draw the line at buying a house together before you're married? Or would buy a house together, but make sure to avoid having a child together until you actually tie the knot? Or is there something else you feel absolutely can't happen until your official in the government's eyes, the US government's eyes at least. Or would you say Heidi's and Spencer's Mexico wedding made them official? Do you think there's a clear cut guideline?



  1. I've been with Eric since I was 16 but I considered our "life together" as starting when we moved in. That's just me though.

    There are a few things I'd LIKE to wait until marriage to do, like buy a house and have kids, but those aren't set in stone. We've already been together almost 5 years and even though I think we are still WAY too young for kids OR marriage, the possibility of buying a house in the next couple of years does appeal to me, so I guess we'll see.

    One thing I don't ever plan on doing is completely merging our finances. Right now we each have our OWN separate credit cards and bank accounts as well as a JOINT savings account that we can only withdraw money from when we're BOTH there. This seems to work out really well for both of us and I don't ever plan on putting ALL of our money into ONE account. I think this would just lead to fighting! I know that's not even what you asked really but I just thought I'd throw that out there! Haha

  2. I feel that your life begins together when you either 1)move in together or 2) commit to each other and get engaged. Things happen though, life happens. So I guess it depends on each individual relationship.

  3. I think your life "together" begins when you make a commitment to each other. Whether that be marriage or something else.

    However...I never would have moved in with someone before I married them. I'm old-fashioned that way.

    Great question though!

  4. I know a couple who refuse to get married, but have been together for almost 10 years and just bought a house together. They are more committed to each other than some married couples I know. I kind of like their viewpoint- that a piece of paper doesn't equal true commitment.